If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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