We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
