I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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