so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
