WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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