So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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