We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
