He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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