I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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