You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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