I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
