I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
