Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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