I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
