im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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