Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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