First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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