What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
