I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
