I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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