I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
