I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
