Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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