i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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