these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
