toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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