So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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