I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
