please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
