@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
