I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
