My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
