How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
