I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
