two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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