oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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