I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
