you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
