Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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