I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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