Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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