Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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