My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
