3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
