I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
