Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
