He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
