How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
