I wish my penis had an off switch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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