I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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