Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
