Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
