all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
