I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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