my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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