suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
