i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
