We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That's intense
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
