Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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