sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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