Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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