how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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