we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
