I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
