You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
