dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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