Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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