The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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