woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
