i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
