Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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